January 26, 2009

The Nancy Grace School of Crime

Posted in authored by John Gohde tagged , , , , , , , at 8:53 am by John Gohde

Watching the Nancy Grace CNN News Show is more than yellow journalism entertainment. Nancy provides a valuable education on how to get away with murder for budding criminals. Do the criminally minded watch her show to learn how not to get caught?

It is called reverse engineering. Simply keep track of what happens to suspected criminals on crime shows. Take note of what happens. Make a list of what they did wrong, and why. It wont be long before the criminally minded will be a real expert on the subject, thanks to Nancy.

  • Hide the Body – Until they find the body all they have is a missing person which wont be investigated nearly as much as a murder case. The longer it takes for the body to show up, the less likely they are to be able to determine the mechanism of death.
  • Lie About Absolutely Everything – Never admit to anything. Tell multiple stores about what happened. Never admit to anything. Lying buys valuable time by delaying the investigation of the crime.
  • Do not dump the body anywhere near where you live, work, or hang out.
  • Do not bury the body along with clothes or personal items of any kind.
  • Never pay for anything with a credit card or check. Always pay in cash. Shop in stores where you have never been before, and located far away from where you live and work.
  • Do NOT be cheap – Always buy brand new crime supplies in cash, and from stores where nobody knows who you are.
  • Do NOT ever use duct tape!
  • Buy a used pair of shoes from a thrift store and wear them during the commission of the crime. The police will be looking for a pair of shoes that don’t exist and have never been worn by you before, after they have been safely thrown away.
  • Prepare your car before committing the crime. Place thick plastic sheeting in the floor of your car, as well as in your trunk. Also cover up your gas and break pedals. Will catch dirt that you track in as well as other trace evidence.
  • After the crime, do not return home or to work. Thoroughly clean up your car and your self. Throw away all the clothes that you wore during the commission of the crime, along with all your crime supplies and equipment in multiple trash dumpsters located far away from where you live and work.
  • Never turn on, or bring with you, your cellphone while either committing the crime or dumping the body.
  • If you off your spouse, always cremate the body. Cremation prevents a second autopsy that can be made years later after you have killed your second, or third partner.
  • Wear rubber gloves during the commission of the crime.
  • Do not research your crime on your home computer, or any other computer, or computer ID, that can be traced back to you.
  • Do not discuss anything by email. Or, on the phone while in jail. Or, on the phone in your house, once you are under investigation.
  • Do NOT confess or brag to anyone, ever, about the commission of your crime. Not all associates, family, or friends are loyal to you. Blood is not always thicker than water.


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